Chapter 22: the untitled

I just can't not seem to find the right words to to describe the feelings. There are no words adequate enough as I sit here crying trying to take it all in trying to process it & not truelly understanding why. Wishing, hoping & praying for people I do not even know but share one common link that seems to make it all so much more profound.

Chapter 21: what were we thinking & something is wrong

well, we decided to try taking all the kids in to get pictures done. Needless to say it went even worse then I imagined it could. We got great pictures of Felix he was a total ham. And he tried so hard to get the babies to smile. Kash started off ok until the photographer touched him then it was all down hill & he refused to take any pictures & just cried & we got 2 pictures of him with his typical half cry half laugh look. Sage screamed her head off the entire time, which was reallyh wierd I couldn't figure out what the problem was. We did luck out & get one good family picture it was a miracle everyone was smiling at the same time. Well as soon as we left the photo place Sage & Kash got really sick. Kash just was sick for a couple hours Sage was sick for 2 weeks. So it's finally been almost a month & Sage is finally back up & running. sort of! I'm hoping one of these days I can get a doctor to listen to me & quit trying to tell me it's just a cold or virus or something cause she doesn'r have any of those right now. I hate sounding like the crazy lady her takes her kids to the doctor all the time convinced something is wrong but isn't but I really know something is not right. Sage has been having more & more trouble breathing at night, her doctor keeps telling me she is just a breath holder. Well yeah when she cries sometimes she does hold her breath but not when she is sleep she actually gasps for air & makes choking noises.... also she has been using her left arm less & less & it isn't growing like her right one. She has also become very sensitive on the left side of her chest you barely touch it & she says it hurts. before once in a blue moon she would say that her chest hurt but now it has been come more & more now it is a daily thing complain that her left side of her chest hurts, now her left side of her stomach & as of yesterday her left leg hurts....I just don't understand what is going on & no one will listen to me! I just don't know what to do anymore! here's to frustration!!!!
Other news on the home front: Felix is learning how to read I'm super excited about it I can't wait till he is really good at it. He is so excited about it & i'm so proud of him, I hope he becomes a book worm like me lol.
Kash has become a kissy huggy boy. He still has some anger issues but at least now he will give you a hug & kiss after wards & say sorry. Like tonight when he punched me in the eye becuase I was helping Felix get his Tae Kwon Do stuff on instead of handing him another cracker. At least he realizes he sis wrong & appoligizes it's a start!